A friend of mine sent me an email last week with the subject header: “I Never Thought I’d Be That Crazy Hockey Parent”. I took a second glance at who wrote it, because I know a lot of hockey parents, and the running list I keep of people I consider “crazy” does not include her. In fact, the woman who wrote this message to me is one of the last people I would have expected to lose it at a hockey rink.
I won’t go into all the gory details, although that may be the reason you are reading this blogpost in the first place, but basically she got into a verbal altercation with another parent after she felt her son’s team had been put at safety risk during a poorly reffed game. It got very ugly in the lobby after the game and she said things she could hardly believe came out of her mouth.
This woman is relatively new to hockey, and a novice around team sports too. After reading her account of the entire incident, and talking with her at length, I am convinced of one thing. She is not any crazier than any other hockey parent, she just gave in to a crazy moment. She has not had nearly enough practice with the emotions that accompany youth sports, but there is hope.
I have been around youth sports for over 30 years. I hope I look completely calm, cool, collected, and unphased when I watch kids play. I better…I’ve had a ridiculous amount of practice. Sports have definitely taught me to put my emotions in check. I could never compete well if my emotions got the best of me, and learning to be disciplined in the most charged situations was the only way I competed at the levels I did. That being said, although I handle most emotions around sports well, I too am still learning how to deal with the heightened emotions parents can feel while watching their own kids play.
Not too long ago, one of my son’s teammates was viciously elbowed to the head during a blind-sided, illegal check. I was immediately pissed. This boy has played with my son for three years, and he is a good friend of ours. He is as important to me as one of my own kids. A protective mamma-bear instinct took over in the seconds following the hit and it took me by surprise. I think I perceived it as a threat, and my heart started racing. I was entering into the phase of “fight” or “flight” and unsure about what to do with what I was feeling, I turned to our friend’s father expressing how awful the hit was. I wanted someone to feel what I was feeling with me…I was looking for an ally. Unfortunately, I didn’t find what I was looking for, and the dad shook it off as if it wasn’t anything to worry about. WHAT?!?I was unsure what to do with the “fight” feelings I had. So now I was doubly mad and I started fumbling with my words. Gone was that calm, cool, collected lady I try to be, and only after I walked it off and did some deep breathing exercises did I get my heart rate to come back to normal.
Nothing came of this “fight” response, but I have to acknowledge the potential. I know it most certainly could have turned into something ugly. If the mother of the boy who delivered the hit had been within earshot and said anything in his defense…I just might have lost it. I don’t know!! And this WASN’T EVEN MY KID!!
My point is this: WE ARE ALL CRAZY SPORTS PARENTS!! We are all one incident or one emotional response away from a crazy parent moment.
So maybe instead of denying this innate part of humanity we should all enter into a 12-step rehabilitation program so we can work through the steps to the calmest sports parenting possible.
Step 1: Hello, my name is Meagan, and I am a crazy sports parent. (phew, denial has been so exhausting)
Step 2: It is true. I know that I am human and flawed and only through God do I have strength to combat my weaknesses.
Duh…it’s what worked for me when I was an emotional athlete, and I am confident it will work for me as an emotional sports parent.
How about you? Are you ready to come out of denial? What steps do you use to keep your emotions in check?
You can learn more about Meagan at her website: http://www.meaganfrank.com
Copyright Meagan Frank 2013 Choosing to Grow
Categories: Parents, Psychology, youth sports
The Team Adult Playbook 
I have my crazy parent tendencies. Fortunately I’m married to a very calm man who always seems to “talk me down from the ledge.” Mama bear doesn’t come out often but when she does I find myself shocked afterwards and looking around to find out if anyone is staring at me wide-eyed and horrified. I’m usually able to tell myself to wait and breathe, sometimes take a walk, give myself a time-out, but unfortunately there have been a couple of occasions that I can call “my crazy moments”. We’re human, we will emote in ways we’re not proud of, but my goal is keep calm and carry on with an understanding that none of our kids, parents, coaches or refs are perfect and maybe they’re too having their own “moment” that will hopefully pass…
It definitely helps when we surround ourselves with the energy that complements our own. I agree with you that your husband is eternally calm, and it promotes a sense of peace for those of us who are around him. Same goes for who we choose to sit with while watching games. We are affected by the emotions of others, and when the entire room seems to be elevating in pitch and fever, it takes a ridiculous amount of will power to come down off of that rising ledge. I think the goal to have a calmer emotive experience is about the best we can do. Moments of weakness happen, and we are allowed to have them, just as long as they are far and few between and we learn from them when they appear.